Hard Day

Today is hard.
I tried last night to go hangout. Any girl would have loved it. 10 cute good guys. 3 girls.
I felt out of place. it set me back, it made me question what i was doing.
How could i ever be accepted in a group like this, who was i trying to kid. I guess that's the scariest thing about trying to change, i don't feel good enough or like i fit in with the crowd I grew up around. Maybe its just today i feel like this, or maybe there is a reason. I don't know all i know is i want him today... that's all.

Falling

No one ever prepares you for love. If only it left as fast as it comes. It makes me wonder why anyone would fall in love who has had there heart broken. But as hard as it is you would never give back the times you had to feel better, that is why we love.

The good times out weigh the bad, the only thing to make you feel better is time, good friends, family and maybe a little nyquil to help you sleep at night. There is a quote that says better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all, although while i sit here alone with an endless movie trailing through my head of the one i still love, I can honestly say i dont regret it. As hard of a time as i am having I would do it all again knowing i would feel like this.

I always somewhat knew i couldn't tame him but thats what i loved about him, I loved that he was independent and made me strong, I loved that he would give anyone the shirt off his back, I loved that he could make me laugh, He listened to me complain, cry and saw all of my worst traits, but i like to think i didn't hold back which is huge for me. In the end something else won over me, independence, travel and fun. You cant change a person and I wouldnt want too, i just wanted to go along for the ride. But for whatever reason this was not my ride.

The hardest part of letting someone go is your mind, constantly hoping its not for real, your just dreaming. But the reality hits when you dreams are no longer your nightmares, your dreams are better than your life. While we were together i had nightmares of loosing him, now that he is gone i have dreams we are together and happy and i wake up and reality hits me, mornings are the hardest.

I cant tell the future, I wish i could but i know i will be happy again, it might take sometime but i know it will happen. I have realized only one thing is constant in life, that is the church. God is there and will always be there. There is no place he hasnt traveled, he wants me to come along for the ride, in the end he will always want me. I guess sometimes your priorites need to be worked out. The only thing in my life i thought was making me happy was him and he made me very very happy. But he is gone, and i realize i need to be happy the only place to find that happiness is through pushing on doing what is right and having faith that i will be ok, even though right now, i have no idea how i will ever be ok again.

Someone once told me there are many roads that lead to the same place. Im glad i choose to take a road with someone as great as him, although it has come to a fork, and i have to walk alone for a bit, i hope that somewhere soon i might have him again, and if it isn't supposed to be i hope i will be given the chance to fall in love again.

I must be crazy hoping for something that you gamble your heart on. Something that can stop it from beating with an exchanging of words. But yes I am still a hopeless romantic, I know someone someday will love me enough to invite me to go along. Hopefully then i am ready to love again. I dont know how i will keep going but i know some how i will be able too. So i will keep going one day at a time one hour, one tear and one prayer at a time to get me through....

The end.. for 3 months...

Who knew a year went by SOOOoooo freaking fast! This year has been exciting... and still sort of the same. I have great Roomates and Loved living with them, I dont think I have laughed SO hard in my entire life as I do with these girls! This year I changed my major to Art Education and decided droping out of school wasn't the best idea and now love school and my major! For my final for digital imaging(where you learn to use photoshop,indesign, dreamweaver..ect) We had to make a website showcasing our work. My website is- art.web.suu.edu/kaeleyfawcett I am not sure how long it will be up so go check it out and tell me what you think!
This summer I have applied and am waiting to hear back from Victorias Secret so hopefully I will get the job there.. or Pac Sun has also offered me a job. But this summer although wont prove as exciting and adventurous as last, I am excited to see what kind of adventures i can come up with in good ol' utah county. Anyway peace yall!

Snowboarding

I had a fun weekend... me and my roomate skipped school on friday and went snowboarding, then stayed at a condo that night, I worked up at brian head saturday and sunday so it was an eventfull cold weekend. The pictures at the top are me ashley and Liz with the pro's that came up to brian head this weekend. They had a party on friday night for all of them. I am still learning the basics of it all and am very sore!!! but hopefully i will get better.

Life in Cedar

Well adjusting has been hard... things have been getting better and life is moving on

Lately i have been just having fun with friends and doin the school thing

We go go st. geezey a lot to keep us sane and of course shop... with the money we dont have... but it is theraputic ha ha... and ya life is good!

Hawaii

OKAY OKAY.....

I know I didn't do this AT all this summer but it has been a CRAZY TIME!

Who knew how much one experience could change your view on life the world... and yourself. I have had the BEST experience of my entire life. I have met some of the mose AMAZING people, they all have such kind hearts and would do anything for me. With only one week left the crying side of me has takin over. When I got my flight plans I just started bawling.. or whenever I think of leaving... I dont know if you have ever just felt like you belonged somewhere so much that no where else seems like the right place to be. I guess I will probably get over it in a little while but I am not going to promise that I will be the happiest person to be around for a while ha ha. So News update... There is a boy I have been.. "hanging out" with... He is deff a surfer dude. We have an awesome time together I will miss him a whole lot but he will move to Utah in october.. Last wed. me and him hiked hanakapi and saw the whole napali coast...( I will put up Pics) It was absolutly STUNNING!!! I spend every second in the sun and think I was ment to be around an ocean my whole life becuase I am constantly in it! My amazing roomies and I have deff. lived up the experience to the fullest and are so blessed to have been able to come to this amazing place. So no one think that you can go to hawaii without taking me along I will be all of your tour guides :) Well I will put up some pics and I am sorry to say I will see yall on saturday...... Not that I am not excited to see you I am just devestated to leave Hawaii

1 suitcase for 3 months... you must be kidding!

2 more days and I am on my way to paradise... I know you would all like to come but seriously there is no room in THE suitcase. Airlines are now charging for more than one bag... and your free bag cannot weigh more than 50 lbs!!! What is a girl supposed to do! I am living there for three months I can't get along with only one bag of stuff. I would like to see those airline... who ever they are take just one bag for 3 months so anyway sorry everyone hitch hiking a ride with me is now out of the question... and really it is the gas prices fault and that is just a whole new blog!! So I am kind of packed my dad says he has to come through and tell me more things not to take who knew this could be so hard, I am not a light packer when I come home for a weekend from school i bring the biggest piece of luggage I have. I just dont like wanting a shirt or something and not having it. OH well I most likely will end up paying for a second bag I mean I do have to have room to bring my hot poly home :)
Besides the luggage I am worried about all 4 of us girls getting along in good ol paradise.... I really hate girls sometimes. There is SO much girl drama about everything but hopefully it will be okay and if all else fails I will be sitting at the beach.
So I leave on Saturday at 11 and wont get there untill 10 our time! So it will be a long day but I will post pictures as soon as I can.... Love you all and will miss you....