My Amazing Friends!

One of the best parts of being an Art Major is you have some seriously talented friends!
My mom has pic of me up eating an Ice Cream Cone for her pics of the family, I gave it to her being a smart alec, so I decided I Would have my best friend Jacki take some pics for me to give my mom. They turned out amazing! If you live in Utah and need pictures done Jacki is AMAZING and seriously fun to work with- Check out her work here www.jackistoddard.com

Here are some of the pics!

New Favorite

The Weepies....

"Orbiting"

You named me judge the day that I was born
You asked too much to fix what you had torn
Things got out of hand, now I understand

And I'm out of your range
Now it's kind of strange
How we change orbit in our lives
You were kind of a moon outside of my room
I could just feel you nearby
Now I feel you gone
'Cause I know which side you're on
And it's not mine

I walk the line between now and then
It's deep-sea diving with no oxygen
Guess I went somewhere to hide
Far behind my eyes
I willed you there to see
But you never came for me

And I'm out of your range
Now it's kind of strange
How we change orbit in our lives
You were kind of a moon outside of my room
I could just feel you nearby
Now I feel you gone
'Cause I know which side you're on
And it's not mine
And it's not mine
And it's not mine


So im going to start a painting on friday, and Im letting a whole bunch of emotions out, they will have a home in this painting but no longer in me. I have held onto them now for a few months, it is time to move on... So those emotions can come out and stay in the painting to remind me of good times happy times, sad times with you.. but no longer in me.

All good things. (All good things.)
All good things. (All good things.)

Not sure where to go,
Everybody I know,
Says I'm too forgiving.
And now that I'm gone,
I don't wanna move on,
I just keep reliving.

All good things. (All good things.)
Oh I wish you,
All good things. (All good things.)
Come to an end.
All good things. (All good things.)
Oh I wish you well.

Lost inside of my head,
Empty side of the bed,
I feel this place without you.
I keep pushing the blues,
'Cause I don't want to lose,
What I love about you.

All good things. (All good things.)
Oh I wish you,
All good things. (All good things.)
Come to an end.
All good things. (All good things.)
Oh I wish you well...

I could think of a million ways,
You've proved you're one to one.
So live inside of your shades of gray,
And nevermind the sunshine that I'll find.

I got so much space now,
I got a whole house,
With the wind blowing through.
I don't need somewhere to hide,
I got this whole world inside,
I was accustomed to showing you.

All good things. (All good things.)
Oh I wish you,
All good things. (All good things.)
Come to an end.
All good things. (All good things.)
Oh I wish you well...
All good things. (All good things.)
Ohhhh, ohh, ohh
All good things. (All good things.)
Ohh, ohh, ohh
All good things. (All good things.)
Oh I wish you well.

william ernest henley

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.


sooo im on a poem kick.

An Interesting Time

Woah life happens no matter what it has been an interesting few months..
I have become a stronger person that i love..
I came across this poem the other day..

Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all,

And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.

I've heard it in the chillest land,
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me


I am still trying to figure it out.. but it is kinda how i feel...

"Fly, fly far away thats all i wanna do, fly fly far my way. Live like you never have taken all you can before the wind decides to leave,Fly.. fly far away thats all i wanna do, fly on fly on my own way where nobody can touch me, nobody can im flying so far away."

I guess this song reminds me of the new independence, The feeling of i don't want to ever have to depend on anyone else again. Not that i don't want to let someone new in someday, just i wont NEED them i am OK being me and being me alone. I have been dating quite a bit this summer, but i have a 2 week limit on them all i feel, most these guys just don't know who they are they are so focused on being the "cool" guy doing things people want. I want someone who wont care if i like the way they dress, the way they smell. Who likes who they are. An Individual. Yep i know what i want.. thats new. And. I like it.

Hard Day

Today is hard.
I tried last night to go hangout. Any girl would have loved it. 10 cute good guys. 3 girls.
I felt out of place. it set me back, it made me question what i was doing.
How could i ever be accepted in a group like this, who was i trying to kid. I guess that's the scariest thing about trying to change, i don't feel good enough or like i fit in with the crowd I grew up around. Maybe its just today i feel like this, or maybe there is a reason. I don't know all i know is i want him today... that's all.

Falling

No one ever prepares you for love. If only it left as fast as it comes. It makes me wonder why anyone would fall in love who has had there heart broken. But as hard as it is you would never give back the times you had to feel better, that is why we love.

The good times out weigh the bad, the only thing to make you feel better is time, good friends, family and maybe a little nyquil to help you sleep at night. There is a quote that says better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all, although while i sit here alone with an endless movie trailing through my head of the one i still love, I can honestly say i dont regret it. As hard of a time as i am having I would do it all again knowing i would feel like this.

I always somewhat knew i couldn't tame him but thats what i loved about him, I loved that he was independent and made me strong, I loved that he would give anyone the shirt off his back, I loved that he could make me laugh, He listened to me complain, cry and saw all of my worst traits, but i like to think i didn't hold back which is huge for me. In the end something else won over me, independence, travel and fun. You cant change a person and I wouldnt want too, i just wanted to go along for the ride. But for whatever reason this was not my ride.

The hardest part of letting someone go is your mind, constantly hoping its not for real, your just dreaming. But the reality hits when you dreams are no longer your nightmares, your dreams are better than your life. While we were together i had nightmares of loosing him, now that he is gone i have dreams we are together and happy and i wake up and reality hits me, mornings are the hardest.

I cant tell the future, I wish i could but i know i will be happy again, it might take sometime but i know it will happen. I have realized only one thing is constant in life, that is the church. God is there and will always be there. There is no place he hasnt traveled, he wants me to come along for the ride, in the end he will always want me. I guess sometimes your priorites need to be worked out. The only thing in my life i thought was making me happy was him and he made me very very happy. But he is gone, and i realize i need to be happy the only place to find that happiness is through pushing on doing what is right and having faith that i will be ok, even though right now, i have no idea how i will ever be ok again.

Someone once told me there are many roads that lead to the same place. Im glad i choose to take a road with someone as great as him, although it has come to a fork, and i have to walk alone for a bit, i hope that somewhere soon i might have him again, and if it isn't supposed to be i hope i will be given the chance to fall in love again.

I must be crazy hoping for something that you gamble your heart on. Something that can stop it from beating with an exchanging of words. But yes I am still a hopeless romantic, I know someone someday will love me enough to invite me to go along. Hopefully then i am ready to love again. I dont know how i will keep going but i know some how i will be able too. So i will keep going one day at a time one hour, one tear and one prayer at a time to get me through....